Its another 5:15 morning in our house with Abby talking to herself and the sun not yet up {thank goodness its rising later - even though this has absolutely no impact on Abigail's sleep}. Another morning of my silent questions to God on how I can make things better... When in reality right now I just can't.
Right now our season is going to be wake up at 5:30 and press through the days ever changing schedule. Right now I can't "fix" anything because really it just might not be broken. Abby is happy waking up at 5:15 and laying around for the most part till 6. She's happy going to bed when the sun is still up and people are eating dinner. Thats going to have to be what it is for now!
During this season I am working on guilt. Guilt of not doing enough. Guilt of having a two year old who is now pushing kids when she wants a toy and totally in the stage of not sharing what so ever. Guilt of healthy meals for us and balanced meals for them. Guilt of working out or eating a dessert every night. Guilt of a clean house, laundry done, time for myself and time for Mike.
Satan is speaking frequently to me in what Mike likes to remind me are generalities. You are failing. You are not doing enough. You are raising up an army of meanies {haha someone please tell me this two year old pushing and grabbing toys thing is normal}.
This is my new season of breakthrough - its hard to pick ONE thing since I feel I am being refined in many areas... guilt, anger, self-confidence.. but I know He is working and I am doing better at listening to Him.
I am reminded form the Lord that my time with him is what I need. Today in Mark 6 I was reminded to Just Believe. Believe who God says he is. He is a provider, healer, listener, peace maker.. He fed 5,000 with five loaves and two fish, He walked on water.. He will provide me with rest. He will provide me with a new mindset of thankfulness, gratitude and joy. He will provide energy at 5:15 and again around 12 and again at 5 and again at 8pm. Over and over he will remind me who He is, what He has done and what He is capable of doing.
I believe that I can be a guilt-free mom. I can run to Him first instead of social media. I can learn to not compare my life with those of other moms who "have it all together" as we all know thats a lie too.
